I wont be your Dirty Pretty...

I've spent a good portion of the last year of my SL experience altering and shifting my Avatar, my personality, my over all persona to fit the needs and wants of another. While I admit I did enjoy most of the outcomes of their desires, I do not feel it was entirely -me- and it took a small emotional upheaval to realize that.

I decided it would be fun to venture out of my comfort zone and check out another side of the BDSM Lifestyle; Domination. In my endeavour to do so I ran into some pretty amazing people who spoke to me, measured my intentions and then stopped me from making a huge mistake. They kept me from turning away from who I was simply to be, for others, what I wanted for myself.

In order to surrender to One, one must surrender to herself I think and I needed to find who I was and find the -me- that I could be proud of and love. The Lovely Domina who prevented my downfall gave me an assignment to remake myself into what I truly wanted to be and no one else...

The Assignment was harder than I expected, though in it I learned that what I was most in love with about myself was not one static "look" that I could stick to and enjoy, but instead embracing the fact that my look could be fluid, ever changing with bits and pieces that I adored and could keep to enhance my vision of me.

I know what I -want- to be personality wise and most importantly in my submission and that is a whole other adventure... As to how I look, well that is simple... However I want!

I had so much fun exploring new looks and I feel I have settled at least on a base "me". I adopted, with pride, the persona of Dragon Fae upon my entrance into the Nest of the Bloody, in honouring that I found Horns (Dragon) and Ears (Fae/Elven) that I LOVED! One of my biggest heartaches through the last relationship was that I was not usually allowed to show off the Fae ears. First thing I did when the relationship came to its end was to put them on once again, and I haven't taken them off since, and I don't forsee me doing it in the future either.

I found new Dramatic eyes that emulated the Dragon Eye and LOVE THEM, especially with the cat eye Make up and Beautiful Fantasia Lashes from Gaeline.

The Face-paint is a sort of mask. As I was looking at it I found it was something that would hide the softness. I didn't want to be seen as vulnerable and someone who could be walked on by invoking my fear of being in trouble. The Face-paint made me feel fierce and slightly defiant, so for now it stays.

I wear the Maitreya body so I was limited with tattoo choices but I found this Half Sleeve/Partial Chest one that was gorgeous (And Symmetrical which is super important) I love it!

I admit the look doesn't match the personality, I am much softer than my image, but truly, if someone judges me by how I look as opposed to getting to know me, it is their issue and not my own.

 "I know I am more than they see
 I'm everything, everything is me
 I won't be what you want me to be
 Your picture perfect vanity
 I don't want to be your dirty pretty"

Ultimately, I had to like who I was looking at... And thanks to that Wonderful Domina and her family... I have begun the journey into finding myself, embracing who I want to be and being comfortable enough not to -need- a Dominant in order to define my existence.

Thank you Contessa and Family. I love you all.

 I'm more than you'll ever see
 More than just your dirty pretty

 Maybe I am not all that I've learned
 Close your eyes, and you twist and you turn
 I know I am more than they see
 I'm everything, everything is me
 I won't be what you want me to be
 Your picture perfect vanity
 I don't want to be your dirty pretty